Let’s get a few things straight before we begin: there are hundreds of reasons why a woman might not have kids. We might be too old, too young, feeling too selfish or too busy. It might be a personal choice or it might not be. We might just not quite be ready yet.
Whatever the reason, many of us childless women have the same thoughts about kids. They’re not always polite, and they’re not always fair either, but we think it’s about time we let you inside our heads a little bit. Here are 20 things women who don’t have kids want you to know:
We’re sorry, but we don’t want to see pictures of your children
We’re sure they are cute, and we’re sure that whatever thing they did was really funny and really naughty. But — and we don’t know how to say this nicely — we’re not interested. Sorry about that.
Or hear about every milestone they’re reaching
Same thing here actually. Seeing as we don’t have kids, we’d rather not spend all our time at work or over coffee talking about how your little angel said the funniest thing last week.
On a more serious note, as adults, it’s really important for us to have serious conversations and silly conversations about our lives, and talking about kids all the time doesn’t always cut it.
And we’d rather you didn’t bring them along to every occasion
It’s just not appropriate for your kids to come to the office Christmas gathering or your best friend’s bachelorette party. This isn’t just a selfish thing either — don’t you want to have some time away from your kids every now and again?
You are so much more than just a ‘parent’– you’re lively and you have a wicked sense of humor. Let your hair down and be yourself for a night!
But we know it’s really hard to find a babysitter
We might have pretty strong opinions, but we do empathize with you. It must be really hard to find people who want to watch the kids all the time.
We must admit though, sometimes we can’t help but think it would just be better for you to pull out of the event than to bring the kids along.
Please respect our decision not to invite them to events
We know you can’t imagine a wedding without your little angel making an appearance as a flower girl, and we’re sure Aunt Selma would love to see little Jimmy at that birthday party. But if you haven’t organized the event, please respect that your kids might not be invited. If you’re unsure, it’s okay to ask.
Just try not to be too offended if they’re not invited, and it would be great if you could try not to make it awkward for everyone, too.
It doesn’t mean we don’t like children…
Don’t get us wrong, kids are cute! They’re just cuter in small doses, where we can give them back.
We feel that there’s a time and a place for playing with kids — like when we visit your house, or arrange a trip to the park. We love those moments, but there’s definitely a sense of relief when we wave goodbye.
…Or that we don’t want to have any in the future…
It’s quite possible we’re considering it.
It might be nice for us to have a mini-me or two walking around at some point in the future. We might even have names picked out and everything. We just don’t want them yet.
…But if we don’t want them, that’s totally okay.
Kids aren’t the be all and end all of life. If we choose not to have them, it doesn’t make us strange or weird, and we’re 99% sure we won’t end up alone with 15 cats for company.
Women shouldn’t feel pressured to have a child. Society expects us to follow a certain social ‘norm’ and be mothers, but that lifestyle just doesn’t suit every woman. We may have other priorities, such as our career or taking care of other family members, and we shouldn’t be made to feel guilty because we haven’t chosen to bring children into the world.
We need to have a mutual respect for each other. We respect your decision to fill your life with noise and mess, and you respect our decision to never endure the pain of childbirth.
It’s really hard to talk about children when you’re trying to have one yourself
Maybe we know each other really well — maybe we don’t. Either way, if we’ve confided in you that we’re having trouble getting pregnant, we probably don’t want to spend our whole life talking about your children. It makes us sad and jealous, and we don’t want to be that kind of person.
We have no idea how we’re ever going to change a diaper
How do you get through that ordeal 5 or more times a day? It’s so messy and dirty, and it looks so complicated.
We just don’t know how we’re going to cope when it’s our turn.
So we hope you’ll teach us in the future
By the time we have a baby, you’ll be an expert. Please teach us the ways of motherhood!
Do all babies look the same?
Real honest moment here: we can’t tell babies apart. Not at all.
Does a special switch turn on when you give birth? Because we don’t know if we’d even be able to pick our own baby (if we had one) out of a lineup right now.
Sometimes we resent that you can’t come out all the time…
It’s really annoying when we make exciting plans and then you bail on us. We just miss you on our holidays and nights out, that’s all.
…And sometimes we resent that our lives don’t have the same structure as yours…
It’s nice to think that you have a home that’s always lively, and full of love and fun days out with the kids. Sometimes we’d like to have that too.
…But we must admit we love our freedom
Not having kids can be so much fun! We don’t have to worry about responsibility or routines; we can get up when we want and be selfish and we love it.
We have no idea how you function on so little sleep
Bed is our happy place. We’re not sure how you manage to spend so little time in it and function so well.
People always tell us that we won’t know what tired means until we have a child. That’s kind of terrifying, as being tired now is bad enough.
And how you’re so organized all the time
Seriously, can you transfer some of those mommy organization skills onto us?
Somehow you manage to fit in taking care of the kids, taking them to school, clubs and activities, keeping the house clean, going to work, socializing and still managing to look cute. It’s so impressive, especially seeing as we can’t even organize our own lives, let alone a bunch of small ones too.
We really admire you…
We might not have kids, but we know it’s a really hard job being a mom. Even though we complain, and struggle to see why you decided to have kids sometimes, we think you’re really great.
We hope that if and when we have children, we’re even half as good a parent as you are.
…Because if and when the time comes, we have no idea how we’ll cope
Parenthood is a scary prospect. We’re worried about how we’re going to manage as a mom when we have a child. What if we’re not a super mom like you are?
We know it’s going to take some pretty big lifestyle changes to get us ready for the responsibility of having a child.
And we love a cuddle with the kids every now and again
Okay, we admit it — sometimes the best thing in the world is a cuddle with a little person. Even if they are a bit sticky and loud.
So there you have it: the 20 things us women who don’t have kids have been holding back. Maybe now we can all be on the same page when going out, or grabbing coffee, or are sitting at our desk, and spend a little less time focusing on small people and a little more time focusing on ourselves.