It seems impossible that there can be people on this earth that hate dogs, right? Wrong. Unfortunately for dog lovers, there are many of us in this world that can’t stand canines.
Before you bite our heads off (like we’re pretty sure your dog might) let us explain a few things about our dislike that we really think you should know:
It’s not cute when you talk about them all the time
You know when people do nothing but talk about their kids 24/7? It’s the same with dogs, but worse.
We’re not a fan of long chats about kids at the best of times, but your dog isn’t even a person and you insist on calling it your baby? No.
Or show us loads of pictures and videos
Similar thing here. We don’t like dogs in person. That means we also don’t like seeing videos of dogs. Or pictures.
Regardless of what hilarious thing your dog is doing, it’s still a furry animal that barks and licks itself, and we hate them.
And we find the dog birthday trend very strange
Your dog has no concept of birthdays. It has no idea how to blow out candles. Your dog probably doesn’t even know it’s a dog. So why are people going to new heights to throw birthday parties for their dogs?
It’s not that we don’t want you or your dog to have fun — we do. But it comes across as a big waste of money and a little grotesque. If you want to throw birthday parties for someone, then do it for your family members or have a kid or two.
Bringing them uninvited to an event is the worst thing you could do
Unless we’ve explicitly told you to bring your dog (which we’re unlikely to do to be honest) to a social occasion, don’t! It doesn’t matter if everyone else loves dogs, if we have organized something and you bring your dog, we’re going to have to have words. Not only is it really inconvenient for us, but it’s disrespectful too. We’ll spend the whole time worrying about where the dog is in relation to us, and the enjoyment will be taken from what should be a fun day.
Your dog will be fine for a few hours at home alone.
We might have a genuine reason for disliking them
We’re not trying to spoil your furry fun. We may have an honest reason for disliking dogs, and it’s important for you to respect that.
If possible, could you keep them out the way when we come around? We promise we won’t overstay our welcome!
And sometimes we’re scared of them too
Maybe we were attacked as a child, or have an upsetting memory involving dogs that means we find it really hard to be around them.
As has been proven may times, the “flooding” technique doesn’t work, so we’re not going to get better by having your dog in our face all the time.
We know they can sense our fear
We see the way your dog looks at us. It’s sizing us up, deciding if it can take us on or not.
Well, maybe not, but we know your dog acts weirdly around us and we know it’s because we’re afraid.
And they don’t like us either
Would you want to be around a person that’s afraid of you? No.
That’s how we know your dog doesn’t like us one bit, and it’s just as cruel to the dog as it is to us to make us be around each other. Both dog and human will be much better off if you keep us apart.
We don’t know how you handle all that dog hair
Don’t you feel embarrassed when it’s all over your clothes? Or your car seat? Or your couch?
Even if it’s not embarrassment you feel, don’t you get annoyed at having to check yourself for hairs before you meet a friend, or go into a meeting? We know we would.
And put up with a fur allergy
We will never understand why people would choose to be around something that gives them allergies. You’re literally choosing a companion that sheds and slobbers on you over your own health.
We’ll stay over here with our clean, healthy body, thank you very much.
And why would you willingly pick up something else’s poop?
Does this need any more explanation?
A dog is a commitment we’re just not interested in
People who have dogs have such restricted lives. You have to stay at home all the time, and you can’t make spontaneous plans with friends because you have a dog to look after instead.
We love that we don’t have to stress over a dog all the time, and we don’t understand why you’d choose to do it either.
And frankly, we’re too lazy to go on 3 walks a day.
It takes enough to get us out of bed in the morning, so committing to multiple walks every single day just doesn’t do it for us.
Get a cat, you never have to take them out for a walk.
The barking really gets on our nerves
It’s loud. It’s repetitive. And your dog doesn’t listen when you tell it there’s nothing to be upset about.
There’s something about a bark that grates on our brain — we’d rather listen to white noise than a dog bark.
And your house kind of smells funny
Yes, we said it. Unless you’re a clean freak, your house just smells like … well, like dog.
It’s not your fault, and we know you’re immune to it. And we know we might just be super sensitive, but your house definitely stinks.
Carrying an animal around in a handbag is really weird
So this is more of a niche point, but why would anyone ruin a perfectly good handbag by putting a dirty, scratchy, smelly dog inside it? It looks weird and it carries way too many stereotypes for our liking.
A brief moment of sympathy for a dog here too — it can’t be good for its health to be carried around like a baby all the time, can it?
We’re not blind to the fact that service dogs are amazing creatures
We might hate dogs, but we’re still impressed at how they can change the lives of some people. They’re definitely intelligent and loyal creatures, but we’d rather a cat could be trained to support us if need be.
But unless your dog is a service dog, we don’t want to get too close
A service dog is about the only kind of dog we’ll trust. The others are an unknown entity – they haven’t had proper training and could do something stupid at a moment’s notice.
Aren’t you afraid they’ll strike at any time?
We know your dog probably loves you. And we know you love your dog a lot. But dogs aren’t humans, and they have a canine instinct that could kick in at any moment. Don’t you worry that your dog could attack you or your family without warning?
We’re just not sure how you can put so much trust into something you can only communicate with by cooing and stroking.
We respect your love of dogs, please respect that we hate them
It takes all kinds of people in this world, and we understand that there are some die-hard dog lovers out there. Good for you — we wish you a life of happiness with your furry friend. Just don’t make us go near it.
We just ask that you have the same respect for our hatred of dogs as we do your love of them. It doesn’t make us bad people, it just means we have different experiences and preferences when it comes to pets.
We don’t hate all animals — in fact, strike up a conversation about cats, rabbits or snakes and you’ll see we still have a kind heart.
We hope we’ve shed some light on our feelings about dogs, and we’re sorry for being so brutally honest. Hopefully though, sharing our thoughts will help dog fanatics out there to tone it down a little with the canine love, and learn to embrace those of us who hate dogs. Thanks, we appreciate it!