7 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Got Married

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While it’s true that every relationship could benefit from a little more effort from both partners, it’s important to take a step back every once in a while and acknowledge what is working. You may find your marriage is more awesome than you gave it credit for, which can be just the push you need to keep making positive changes.

So how do you know you’re winning at the marriage game? Read on to find out:

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7. You Need to Talk About Money

Obviously, it’s important to disclose debt or bad credit heading into a partnership, but it’s also crucial to discuss your future goals. How you will save for big purchases? Perhaps you want to travel, or buy more than one property. And what do you envision for retirement?

Disagreements over money are a major source of conflict among couples. Setting your financial priorities together will save a lot of headache and heartache later on. If you are not sure where to start, it’s never too early to consult with a financial advisor, who will get you on the right track. And keep the conversation going throughout your marriage; continuing to communicate about money will ensure your goals are met and prevent surprises from popping up along the way.

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6. Marriage Isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100

The laws of math don’t apply in marriage. If both partners make their efforts in half measures, it only adds up to unhappiness:somebody is going to come up short and that will cause resentment, which will lead to problems. When the going gets tough, lean on each other and work through it, rather than pulling back to 50%. You owe it to your life partner to give them your all.

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5. Having Kids Changes Things

Not for the worst, necessarily, but adding children to your family will undoubtedly cause change in your relationship.After all, now there’s another person who needs attention. Especially in the newborn stage, you’re both exhausted. Lack of sleep can really affect our outlook and the way we interact with one another. You and your spouse may disagree on parenting, chore distribution, or other things that were never an issue before.

Of course, there are many lovely changes to look forward to when a couple become parents: they can bond more deeply through the experience and feel more connected as a family. Tackling the challenging aspects as a team and keeping communication going will help to baby-proof your relationship.

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4. You’ll Disagree Sometimes, and That’s OK

Even the strongest of marriages experience conflict. After all, it’s not realistic to expect couples to agree on everything all the time. Sometimes you’ll have to agree to disagree; it’s the only way to make a marriage work. The key is to do it kindly and fairly: to disagree amicably, you have to respect each other’s opinions. So accept each other’s differences and know that choosing your battles is a wise and relationship preserving decision.

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3. Your Wedding Is Important, but Not That Important

It’s exciting to plan the perfect wedding. But while your wedding is a very special milestone in your lives as a couple, what’s more important are the people who are there to support you, and the promises you make to your spouse. You may or may not remember the flavor of your cake, but you will remember the smiling faces of your friends and family. And while your celebration lasts one day, the promises you make to your partner are forever, so make sure you’re planning a marriage, not just a wedding.

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2. Marriage Can’t Fix Anything

What are your reasons for getting married? Marriage can’t change a broken relationship, and it can’t be the way you try to make yourself happy. Your partner cannot be responsible for your happiness; it’s impossible for just one person to fulfill all of your emotional needs, no matter how loving they are. Your own happiness is up to you. Marriage should bring companionship and support to your life, but it isn’t magic. If your goal is to fix something, marriage isn’t your answer.

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1. Know Yourself First

What are your must-haves and deal breakers in a relationship? Before getting married, it’s important to know your boundaries and who you are as an individual. After all, you can’t know if someone is good for you if you don’t know what you need. What goals do you have, and is your partner someone who will support them? If you aren’t sure,take some more time before making the decision to get married.